What is the number one reason most relationships break up? Terrible sex? Too much nagging? Incompatibility? Another lover? You just drifted apart? It’s none of these. By far, the biggest reason that relationships fail can be summed up in one word: Money.
If you have money problems, then you have big problems. Nothing creates tension and hardships like persistent hassles with bills, paying rent, making a car payment – or maybe even not being able to afford a car at all! If your girlfriend left you over money problems, then you have one of the most difficult situations to remedy. Getting an ex-girlfriend to come back to you is hard enough the way it is. It’s even harder when you are hard up for cash.
But before we get all depressed about this situation, let’s get some perspective. Many guys think that if only they were rich, or at least well off, their girlfriend would have never left them. It’s not as simple as that. If you don’t believe it, just tune into what is happening with the rich and famous around the world, be it movie stars or royalty. It quickly becomes apparent that people with a lot of money have no better luck – an obviously sometimes a lot worse luck – with staying within a relationship. How many movie stars can you think of in the next five minutes who have two, three or maybe four divorces under their belts?
The fact is, having a lot of money is no guarantee of relationship success. If you are feeling sorry for yourself because your girlfriend left you over financial problems, then it’s time to start rethinking the whole situation. You could be filthy rich, and she might have left anyway.
What does this tell you about money? Clearly, it makes no difference how much you have or how little you have. If the fundamentals of your relationship are strong, even a terrible money situation should not be an excuse for your girlfriend to leave. Money is only a convenient excuse, an outward factor.
Okay, but let’s also recognize that while money may not be the ultimate reason she left you, it certainly was a contributing factor. That’s because constant stress over money creates an overall climate of tension and struggle. It is very difficult for any relationship to thrive in an environment of constant struggle.
Incredibly, many guys do exactly the opposite thing they should do when they have money problem, and their partner leaves – they plunge themselves into even more debt! That’s right!
There is something about relationship problems that can drive many men to lose all common sense. For example, they think that if they only had a nicer car, maybe their girlfriend would come back to them. So they pull out all the stops, marshal all of their resources, and take out a huge loan to get some new wheels. So now they have a shiny new car, and even more debt and payments to worry about. To get that new car, maybe they had to take out a second mortgage on their house, or run up huge debts on credit cards.
Other guys blow cash on some kind of bribe – maybe an expensive piece of jewelry to dangle in front of their ex in a desperate attempt to lure her back. Even if this works in the short term, as soon as the new load of bills start coming due, the stress level increases to all-new levels. Under these conditions, the relationship is probably doomed.
So the first step in getting your ex-girlfriend back if she left you over money stress is to start tackling your problems one at a time. The last thing you want to do if you have money problems is to get entangled into even more money problems. What you need to do is start getting your financial life under control. Rather than buying a new car – maybe it’s time to sell the one you have!
It’s all about making priorities in your life. You have to decide if you want to put your relationship and personal life first, or continue to be a slave to all of your bills. Of course, getting one’s financial life in order is never an easy task. If you think you can’t handle it by yourself, by all means, seek out some financial counseling from a professional. This does not have to cost you a dime. There are many free debt counseling services – especially in these tough financial times – that are available to you. Take advantage of them. Get some help formulating a solid plan to start paying down you debts, and to start earning more money.
Just taking that first step toward getting your financial life under control can be a tremendous relief. You will immediately get the feeling that you are finally doing something positive to take back control of your life. When you start getting financial control, you start reducing that all-pervasive stress that is tormenting you, and which made your relationship a living hell. It’s a sad fact of our modern society that, even when two people love each other, a general condition of financial stress can cripple even great relationships.
So let’s say you do the hard work, make the tough decisions and start the process of getting into a more financially stable position – but at the same time, you still have this other problem – the fact that your girlfriend is gone! It all can seem pretty overwhelming, and it is! That’s exactly why you have to take a deep breath, realize that the toughest problems are not solved easily or overnight, and take things one day at time.
This doesn’t mean that you can’t start taking the first steps to repair your busted relationship and take action to get your ex-girlfriend back. It might not be a bad idea to communicate with your ex and tell her what you are doing. Maybe write her a letter, and tell her something like:
“I know times have been tough, and that we argued a lot about money. I don’t blame you for not wanting to live a stressful life filled with constant worry over bills, or never having any money for us to go out and do anything fun. I really think my money problems were a big contributor to our break-up. Again, I don’t blame you, I blame myself. I just wanted you to know that I am taking positive steps to get my financial situation under control. I never want to have money problems again. I hope you will give me the time to get myself into a better position. If I do, I really think our relationship could be special again. I hope you will give me the time to right my ship, and maybe even consider coming back to me when I am in a better position, and when there won’t be so many problems for us to constantly worry about or argue over…”
… Or something along those lines.
Note that this in merely an example of the kind of letter you might write to your ex-girlfriend. But notice that the message in our example does not beg or blame. You only “blame yourself” and you also don’t beg your girlfriend to come back to you. You’re just letting her know that you still care about here, and that you are making positive changes in your life because of her. You can’t lose with this approach. Many girls would be flattered that their former boyfriend cares enough about them to want to radically transform their own lives, and strive to make a better world for the both of you.
Still, you may have to give it time. Money problems just don’t go away over night. If you have really serious money problems, things might even get worse before they get better. But until you get to the root of the problem, and remove financial stress from your life, it will be extremely difficult to get your ex-girlfriend back. And even if she does come back, she may only leave again once all the old money problems resurface again.
If there is anything positive about a broken relationship, it’s that this tough situation helps us to re-examine our lives to find out what is wrong them, and it forces us to make overall improvements in our situation. Getting control of money problems is one of the best things any guy can do – and it sets the stage for a stable and happy relationship that will last forever.